did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
