She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
