Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
