This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
