Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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