Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
