Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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