i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
