I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
