My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
