I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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