I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
