Plan B is the new Plan A
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
