the condom got lost in my hair
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
