god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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