just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
