i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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