I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
