I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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