From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize