thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
