I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
