It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize