This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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