That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
