thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
