When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
