I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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