Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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