Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
