I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
