I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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