Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
