I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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