This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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