So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
