Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
even my farts smell like vagina
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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