Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We are two peas in an std pod
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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