never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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