i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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