apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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