what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
