I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
