I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
