do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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