I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We named our party play list daddy issues
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
