I cannot find my penis.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the day after is always just damage control
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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