I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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