she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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