Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
