Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
