why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
