I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
