I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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