if i died would you start the facebook group?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
