All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
