I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
