I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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