I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
