If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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