Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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