oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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