I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
