my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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