whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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