he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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